Palin Unplugged

Nice to meet you. Hey, can I call you Joe? Thank you.

Thank you, Gwen. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, Gwen. And I thank the commission, also. I appreciate this privilege of being able to be here and speak with Americans.

You know, I think a good barometer here, as we try to figure out has this been a good time or a bad time in America's economy, is go to a kid's soccer game on Saturday, and turn to any parent there on the sideline and ask them, "How are you feeling about the economy?"

And I'll bet you, you're going to hear some fear in that parent's voice, fear regarding the few investments that some of us have in the stock market. Did we just take a major hit with those investments?

Fear about, how are we going to afford to send our kids to college? A fear, as small-business owners, perhaps, how we're going to borrow any money to increase inventory or hire more people.

The barometer there, I think, is going to be resounding that our economy is hurting and the federal government has not provided the sound oversight that we need and that we deserve, and we need reform to that end.

Now, John McCain thankfully has been one representing reform. Two years ago, remember, it was John McCain who pushed so hard with the Fannie Mae (NYSE:FNM) and Freddie Mac (NYSE:FRE) reform measures. He sounded that warning bell.

People in the Senate with him, his colleagues, didn't want to listen to him and wouldn't go towards that reform that was needed then. I think that the alarm has been heard, though, and there will be that greater oversight, again thanks to John McCain's bipartisan efforts that he was so instrumental in bringing folks together over this past week, even suspending his own campaign to make sure he was putting excessive politics aside and putting the country first.

John McCain, in referring to the fundamental of our economy being strong, he was talking to and he was talking about the American workforce. And the American workforce is the greatest in this world, with the ingenuity and the work ethic that is just entrenched in our workforce. That's a positive. That's encouragement. And that's what John McCain meant.

Now, what I've done as a governor and as a mayor is (inaudible) I've had that track record of reform. And I've joined this team that is a team of mavericks with John McCain, also, with his track record of reform, where we're known for putting partisan politics aside to just get the job done.

Now, Barack Obama, of course, he's pretty much only voted along his party lines. In fact, 96 percent of his votes have been solely along party line, not having that proof for the American people to know that his commitment, too, is, you know, put the partisanship, put the special interests aside, and get down to getting business done for the people of America.

We're tired of the old politics as usual. And that's why, with all due respect, I do respect your years in the U.S. Senate, but I think Americans are craving something new and different and that new energy and that new commitment that's going to come with reform.

I think that's why we need to send the maverick from the Senate and put him in the White House, and I'm happy to join him there.

Darn right it was the predator lenders, who tried to talk Americans into thinking that it was smart to buy a $300,000 house if we could only afford a $100,000 house. There was deception there, and there was greed and there is corruption on Wall Street. And we need to stop that.

Again, John McCain and I, that commitment that we have made, and we're going to follow through on that, getting rid of that corruption.

One thing that Americans do at this time, also, though, is let's commit ourselves just every day American people, Joe Six Pack, hockey moms across the nation, I think we need to band together and say never again. Never will we be exploited and taken advantage of again by those who are managing our money and loaning us these dollars. We need to make sure that we demand from the federal government strict oversight of those entities in charge of our investments and our savings and we need also to not get ourselves in debt. Let's do what our parents told us before we probably even got that first credit card. Don't live outside of our means. We need to make sure that as individuals we're taking personal responsibility through all of this. It's not the American peoples fault that the economy is hurting like it is, but we have an opportunity to learn a heck of a lot of good lessons through this and say never again will we be taken advantage of.

I would like to respond about the tax increases. We can speak in agreement here that darn right we need tax relief for Americans so that jobs can be created here. Now, Barack Obama and Senator Biden also voted for the largest tax increases in U.S. history. Barack had 94 opportunities to side on the people's side and reduce taxes and 94 times he voted to increase taxes or not support a tax reduction, 94 times.

Now, that's not what we need to create jobs and really bolster and heat up our economy. We do need the private sector to be able to keep more of what we earn and produce. Government is going to have to learn to be more efficient and live with less if that's what it takes to reign in the government growth that we've seen today. But we do need tax relief and Barack Obama even supported increasing taxes as late as last year for those families making only $42,000 a year. That's a lot of middle income average American families to increase taxes on them. I think that is the way to kill jobs and to continue to harm our economy.

I'm still on the tax thing because I want to correct you on that again. And I want to let you know what I did as a mayor and as a governor. And I may not answer the questions that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I'm going to talk straight to the American people and let them know my track record also. As mayor, every year I was in office I did reduce taxes. I eliminated personal property taxes and eliminated small business inventory taxes and as governor we suspended our state fuel tax. We did all of those things knowing that that is how our economy would be heated up. Now, as for John McCain's adherence to rules and regulations and pushing for even harder and tougher regulations, that is another thing that he is known for though. Look at the tobacco industry. Look at campaign finance reform. I do take issue with some of the principle there with that redistribution of wealth principle that seems to be espoused by you. But when you talk about Barack's plan to tax increase affecting only those making $250,000 a year or more, you're forgetting millions of small businesses that are going to fit into that category. So they're going to be the ones paying higher taxes thus resulting in fewer jobs being created and less productivity.

Now you said recently that higher taxes or asking for higher taxes or paying higher taxes is patriotic. In the middle class of America which is where Todd and I have been all of our lives, that's not patriotic. Patriotic is saying, government, you know, you're not always the solution. In fact, too often you're the problem so, government, lessen the tax burden and on our families and get out of the way and let the private sector and our families grow and thrive and prosper. An increased tax formula that Barack Obama is proposing in addition to nearly a trillion dollars in new spending that he's proposing is the backwards way of trying to grow our economy.

I am because he's got a good health care plan that is detailed. And I want to give you a couple details on that. He's proposing a $5,000 tax credit for families so that they can get out there and they can purchase their own health care coverage. That's a smart thing to do. That's budget neutral. That doesn't cost the government anything as opposed to Barack Obama's plan to mandate health care coverage and have universal government run program and unless you're pleased with the way the federal government has been running anything lately, I don't think that it's going to be real pleasing for Americans to consider health care being taken over by the feds. But a $5,000 health care credit through our income tax that's budget neutral. That's going to help. And he also wants to erase those artificial lines between states so that through competition, we can cross state lines and if there's a better plan offered somewhere else, we would be able to purchase that. So affordability and accessibility will be the keys there with that $5,000 tax credit also being offered.

Well, the nice thing about running with John McCain is I can assure you he doesn't tell one thing to one group and then turns around and tells something else to another group, including his plans that will make this bailout plan, this rescue plan, even better.

I want to go back to the energy plan, though, because this is -- this is an important one that Barack Obama, he voted for in '05.

Senator Biden, you would remember that, in that energy plan that Obama voted for, that's what gave those oil companies those big tax breaks. Your running mate voted for that.

You know what I had to do in the state of Alaska? I had to take on those oil companies and tell them, "No," you know, any of the greed there that has been kind of instrumental, I guess, in their mode of operation, that wasn't going to happen in my state.

And that's why Tillerson at Exxon and Mulva at ConocoPhillips (NYSE:COP) , bless their hearts, they're doing what they need to do, as corporate CEOs, but they're not my biggest fans, because what I had to do up there in Alaska was to break up a monopoly up there and say, you know, the people are going to come first and we're going to make sure that we have value given to the people of Alaska with those resources.

And those huge tax breaks aren't coming to the big multinational corporations anymore, not when it adversely affects the people who live in a state and, in this case, in a country who should be benefiting at the same time. So it was Barack Obama who voted for that energy plan that gave those tax breaks to the oil companies that I then had to turn around, as a governor of an energy-producing state, and kind of undo in my own area of expertise, and that's energy.

There is not. And how long have I been at this, like five weeks? So there hasn't been a whole lot that I've promised, except to do what is right for the American people, put government back on the side of the American people, stop the greed and corruption on Wall Street.

And the rescue plan has got to include that massive oversight that Americans are expecting and deserving. And I don't believe that John McCain has made any promise that he would not be able to keep, either.

Yes, I would have. But here, again, there have -- there have been so many changes in the conditions of our economy in just even these past weeks that there has been more and more revelation made aware now to Americans about the corruption and the greed on Wall Street.

We need to look back, even two years ago, and we need to be appreciative of John McCain's call for reform with Fannie Mae, with Freddie Mac, with the mortgage-lenders, too, who were starting to really kind of rear that head of abuse.

And the colleagues in the Senate weren't going to go there with him. So we have John McCain to thank for at least warning people. And we also have John McCain to thank for bringing in a bipartisan effort people to the table so that we can start putting politics aside, even putting a campaign aside, and just do what's right to fix this economic problem that we are in.

It is a crisis. It's a toxic mess, really, on Main Street that's affecting Wall Street. And now we have to be ever vigilant and also making sure that credit markets don't seize up. That's where the Main Streeters like me, that's where we would really feel the effects.

That is not so, but because that's just a quick answer, I want to talk about, again, my record on energy versus your ticket's energy ticket, also.

I think that this is important to come back to, with that energy policy plan again that was voted for in '05.

When we talk about energy, we have to consider the need to do all that we can to allow this nation to become energy independent.

It's a nonsensical position that we are in when we have domestic supplies of energy all over this great land. And East Coast politicians who don't allow energy-producing states like Alaska to produce these, to tap into them, and instead we're relying on foreign countries to produce for us.

We're circulating about $700 billion a year into foreign countries, some who do not like America -- they certainly don't have our best interests at heart -- instead of those dollars circulating here, creating tens of thousands of jobs and allowing domestic supplies of energy to be tapped into and start flowing into these very, very hungry markets.

Energy independence is the key to this nation's future, to our economic future, and to our national security. So when we talk about energy plans, it's not just about who got a tax break and who didn't. And we're not giving oil companies tax breaks, but it's about a heck of a lot more than that.

Energy independence is the key to America's future.

Yes. Well, as the nation's only Arctic state and being the governor of that state, Alaska feels and sees impacts of climate change more so than any other state. And we know that it's real.

I'm not one to attribute every man -- activity of man to the changes in the climate. There is something to be said also for man's activities, but also for the cyclical temperature changes on our planet.

But there are real changes going on in our climate. And I don't want to argue about the causes. What I want to argue about is, how are we going to get there to positively affect the impacts?

We have got to clean up this planet. We have got to encourage other nations also to come along with us with the impacts of climate change, what we can do about that.

As governor, I was the first governor to form a climate change sub-cabinet to start dealing with the impacts. We've got to reduce emissions. John McCain is right there with an "all of the above" approach to deal with climate change impacts.

We've got to become energy independent for that reason. Also as we rely more and more on other countries that don't care as much about the climate as we do, we're allowing them to produce and to emit and even pollute more than America would ever stand for. So even in dealing with climate change, it's all the more reason that we have an "all of the above" approach, tapping into alternative sources of energy and conserving fuel, conserving our petroleum products and our hydrocarbons so that we can clean up this planet and deal with climate change.

Yes, Senator McCain does support this. The chant is "drill, baby, drill." And that's what we hear all across this country in our rallies because people are so hungry for those domestic sources of energy to be tapped into. They know that even in my own energy-producing state we have billions of barrels of oil and hundreds of trillions of cubic feet of clean, green natural gas. And we're building a nearly $40 billion natural gas pipeline which is North America's largest and most you expensive infrastructure project ever to flow those sources of energy into hungry markets.

Barack Obama and Senator Biden, you've said no to everything in trying to find a domestic solution to the energy crisis that we're in. You even called drilling -- safe, environmentally-friendly drilling offshore as raping the outer continental shelf.

There -- with new technology, with tiny footprints even on land, it is safe to drill and we need to do more of that. But also in that "all of the above" approach that Senator McCain supports, the alternative fuels will be tapped into: the nuclear, the clean coal.

I was surprised to hear you mention that because you had said that there isn't anything -- such a thing as clean coal. And I think you said it in a rope line, too, at one of your rallies.

I do. I do. Well, not if it goes closer and closer towards redefining the traditional definition of marriage between one man and one woman. And unfortunately that's sometimes where those steps lead.

But I also want to clarify, if there's any kind of suggestion at all from my answer that I would be anything but tolerant of adults in America choosing their partners, choosing relationships that they deem best for themselves, you know, I am tolerant and I have a very diverse family and group of friends and even within that group you would see some who may not agree with me on this issue, some very dear friends who don't agree with me on this issue.

But in that tolerance also, no one would ever propose, not in a McCain-Palin administration, to do anything to prohibit, say, visitations in a hospital or contracts being signed, negotiated between parties.

But I will tell Americans straight up that I don't support defining marriage as anything but between one man and one woman, and I think through nuances we can go round and round about what that actually means.

But I'm being as straight up with Americans as I can in my non- support for anything but a traditional definition of marriage.

Your question to him was whether he supported gay marriage and my answer is the same as his and it is that I do not.

I am very thankful that we do have a good plan and the surge and the counterinsurgency strategy in Iraq that has proven to work, I am thankful that that is part of the plan implemented under a great American hero, General Petraeus, and pushed hard by another great American, Senator John McCain.

I know that the other ticket opposed this surge, in fact, even opposed funding for our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Barack Obama voted against funding troops there after promising that he would not do so.

And Senator Biden, I respected you when you called him out on that. You said that his vote was political and you said it would cost lives. And Barack Obama at first said he would not do that. He turned around under political pressure and he voted against funding the troops. We do have a plan for withdrawal. We don't need early withdrawal out of Iraq. We cannot afford to lose there or we're going to be no better off in the war in Afghanistan either. We have got to win in Iraq.

And with the surge that has worked we're now down to presurge numbers in Iraq. That's where we can be. We can start putting more troops in Afghanistan as we also work with our NATO allies who are there strengthening us and we need to grow our military. We cannot afford to lose against al Qaeda and the Shia extremists who are still there, still fighting us, but we're getting closer and closer to victory. And it would be a travesty if we quit now in Iraq.

Your plan is a white flag of surrender in Iraq and that is not what our troops need to hear today, that's for sure. And it's not what our nation needs to be able to count on. You guys opposed the surge. The surge worked. Barack Obama still can't admit the surge works.

We'll know when we're finished in Iraq when the Iraqi government can govern its people and when the Iraqi security forces can secure its people. And our commanders on the ground will tell us when those conditions have been met. And Maliki and Talabani also in working with us are knowing again that we are getting closer and closer to that point, that victory that's within sight.

Now, you said regarding Senator McCain's military policies there, Senator Biden, that you supported a lot of these things. In fact, you said in fact that you wanted to run, you'd be honored to run with him on the ticket. That's an indication I think of some of the support that you had at least until you became the VP pick here.

You also said that Barack Obama was not ready to be commander in chief. And I know again that you opposed the move he made to try to cut off funding for the troops and I respect you for that. I don't know how you can defend that position now but I know that you know especially with your son in the National Guard and I have great respect for your family also and the honor that you show our military. Barack Obama though, another story there. Anyone I think who can cut off funding for the troops after promising not to is another story.

Both are extremely dangerous, of course. And as for who coined that central war on terror being in Iraq, it was the General Petraeus and al Qaeda, both leaders there and it's probably the only thing that they're ever going to agree on, but that it was a central war on terror is in Iraq. You don't have to believe me or John McCain on that. I would believe Petraeus and the leader of al Qaeda.

An armed, nuclear armed especially Iran is so extremely dangerous to consider. They cannot be allowed to acquire nuclear weapons period. Israel is in jeopardy of course when we're dealing with Ahmadinejad as a leader of Iran. Iran claiming that Israel as he termed it, a stinking corpse, a country that should be wiped off the face of the earth. Now a leader like Ahmadinejad who is not sane or stable when he says things like that is not one whom we can allow to acquire nuclear energy, nuclear weapons. Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il, the Castro brothers, others who are dangerous dictators are one that Barack Obama has said he would be willing to meet with without preconditions being met first.

And an issue like that taken up by a presidential candidate goes beyond naivete and goes beyond poor judgment. A statement that he made like that is downright dangerous because leaders like Ahmadinejad who would seek to acquire nuclear weapons and wipe off the face of the earth an ally like we have in Israel should not be met with without preconditions and diplomatic efforts being undertaken first.

IFILL: Governor and senator, I want you both to respond to this. Secretaries of state Baker, Kissinger, Powell, they have all advocated some level of engagement with enemies. Do you think these former secretaries of state are wrong on that?

PALIN: No and Dr. Henry Kissinger especially. I had a good conversation with him recently. And he shared with me his passion for diplomacy. And that's what John McCain and I would engage in also. But again, with some of these dictators who hate America and hate what we stand for, with our freedoms, our democracy, our tolerance, our respect for women's rights, those who would try to destroy what we stand for cannot be met with just sitting down on a presidential level as Barack Obama had said he would be willing to do. That is beyond bad judgment. That is dangerous.

No, diplomacy is very important. First and foremost, that is what we would engage in. But diplomacy is hard work by serious people. It's lining out clear objectives and having your friends and your allies ready to back you up there and have sanctions lined up before any kind of presidential summit would take place.

A two-state solution is the solution. And Secretary Rice, having recently met with leaders on one side or the other there, also, still in these waning days of the Bush administration, trying to forge that peace, and that needs to be done, and that will be top of an agenda item, also, under a McCain-Palin administration.

Israel is our strongest and best ally in the Middle East. We have got to assure them that we will never allow a second Holocaust, despite, again, warnings from Iran and any other country that would seek to destroy Israel, that that is what they would like to see.

We will support Israel. A two-state solution, building our embassy, also, in Jerusalem, those things that we look forward to being able to accomplish, with this peace-seeking nation, and they have a track record of being able to forge these peace agreements.

They succeeded with Jordan. They succeeded with Egypt. I'm sure that we're going to see more success there, also.

It's got to be a commitment of the United States of America, though. And I can promise you, in a McCain-Palin administration, that commitment is there to work with our friends in Israel.

No, I do not believe that it has been. But I'm so encouraged to know that we both love Israel, and I think that is a good thing to get to agree on, Senator Biden. I respect your position on that.

No, in fact, when we talk about the Bush administration, there's a time, too, when Americans are going to say, "Enough is enough with your ticket," on constantly looking backwards, and pointing fingers, and doing the blame game.

There have been huge blunders in the war. There have been huge blunders throughout this administration, as there are with every administration.

But for a ticket that wants to talk about change and looking into the future, there's just too much finger-pointing backwards to ever make us believe that that's where you're going.

Positive change is coming, though. Reform of government is coming. We'll learn from the past mistakes in this administration and other administrations.

And we're going to forge ahead with putting government back on the side of the people and making sure that our country comes first, putting obsessive partisanship aside.

That's what John McCain has been known for in all these years. He has been the maverick. He has ruffled feathers.

But I know, Senator Biden, you have respected for them that, and I respect you for acknowledging that. But change is coming.

Nuclear weaponry, of course, would be the be all, end all of just too many people in too many parts of our planet, so those dangerous regimes, again, cannot be allowed to acquire nuclear weapons, period.

Our nuclear weaponry here in the U.S. is used as a deterrent. And that's a safe, stable way to use nuclear weaponry.

But for those countries -- North Korea, also, under Kim Jong-il -- we have got to make sure that we're putting the economic sanctions on these countries and that we have friends and allies supporting us in this to make sure that leaders like Kim Jong-il and Ahmadinejad are not allowed to acquire, to proliferate, or to use those nuclear weapons. It is that important.

Can we talk about Afghanistan real quick, also, though?

OK, I'd like to just really quickly mention there, too, that when you look back and you say that the Bush administration's policy on Afghanistan perhaps would be the same as McCain, and that's not accurate.

The surge principles, not the exact strategy, but the surge principles that have worked in Iraq need to be implemented in Afghanistan, also. And that, perhaps, would be a difference with the Bush administration.

Now, Barack Obama had said that all we're doing in Afghanistan is air-raiding villages and killing civilians. And such a reckless, reckless comment and untrue comment, again, hurts our cause.

That's not what we're doing there. We're fighting terrorists, and we're securing democracy, and we're building schools for children there so that there is opportunity in that country, also. There will be a big difference there, and we will win in -- in Afghanistan, also.

Well, first, McClellan did not say definitively the surge principles would not work in Afghanistan. Certainly, accounting for different conditions in that different country and conditions are certainly different. We have NATO allies helping us for one and even the geographic differences are huge but the counterinsurgency principles could work in Afghanistan. McClellan didn't say anything opposite of that. The counterinsurgency strategy going into Afghanistan, clearing, holding, rebuilding, the civil society and the infrastructure can work in Afghanistan. And those leaders who are over there, who have also been advising George Bush on this have not said anything different but that.

Oh, yeah, it's so obvious I'm a Washington outsider. And someone just not used to the way you guys operate. Because here you voted for the war and now you oppose the war. You're one who says, as so many politicians do, I was for it before I was against it or vice- versa. Americans are craving that straight talk and just want to know, hey, if you voted for it, tell us why you voted for it and it was a war resolution.

And you had supported John McCain's military strategies pretty adamantly until this race and you had opposed very adamantly Barack Obama's military strategy, including cutting off funding for the troops that attempt all through the primary.

And I watched those debates, so I remember what those were all about.

But as for as Darfur, we can agree on that also, the supported of the no-fly zone, making sure that all options are on the table there also.

America is in a position to help. What I've done in my position to help, as the governor of a state that's pretty rich in natural resources, we have a $40 billion investment fund, a savings fund called the Alaska Permanent Fund.

When I and others in the legislature found out we had some millions of dollars in Sudan, we called for divestment through legislation of those dollars to make sure we weren't doing anything that would be seen as condoning the activities there in Darfur. That legislation hasn't passed yet but it needs to because all of us, as individuals, and as humanitarians and as elected officials should do all we can to end those atrocities in that region of the world.

I beg to disagree with you, again, here on whether you supported Barack Obama or John McCain's strategies. Here again, you can say what you want to say a month out before people are asked to vote on this, but we listened to the debates.

I think tomorrow morning, the pundits are going to start do the who said what at what time and we'll have proof of some of this, but, again, John McCain who knows how to win a war. Who's been there and he's faced challenges and he knows what evil is and knows what it takes to overcome the challenges here with our military.

He knows to learn from the mistakes and blunders we have seen in the war in Iraq, especially. He will know how to implement the strategies, working with our commanders and listening to what they have to say, taking the politics out of these war issues. He'll know how to win a war.

And heaven forbid, yes, that would ever happen, no matter how this ends up, that that would ever happen with either party.

As for disagreeing with John McCain and how our administration would work, what do you expect? A team of mavericks, of course we're not going to agree on 100 percent of everything. As we discuss ANWR there, at least we can agree to disagree on that one. I will keep pushing him on ANWR. I have so appreciated he has never asked me to check my opinions at the door and he wants a deliberative debate and healthy debate so we can make good policy.

What I would do also, if that were to ever happen, though, is to continue the good work he is so committed to of putting government back on the side of the people and get rid of the greed and corruption on Wall Street and in Washington.

I think we need a little bit of reality from Wasilla Main Street there, brought to Washington, DC.

So that people there can understand how the average working class family is viewing bureaucracy in the federal government and Congress and inaction of Congress.

Just everyday working class Americans saying, you know, government, just get out of my way. If you're going to do any harm and mandate more things on me and take more of my money and income tax and business taxes, you're going to have a choice in just a few weeks here on either supporting a ticket that wants to create jobs and bolster our economy and win the war or you're going to be supporting a ticket that wants to increase taxes, which ultimately kills jobs, and is going to hurt our economy.

Say it ain't so, Joe, there you go again pointing backwards again. You preferenced your whole comment with the Bush administration. Now doggone it, let's look ahead and tell Americans what we have to plan to do for them in the future. You mentioned education and I'm glad you did. I know education you are passionate about with your wife being a teacher for 30 years, and god bless her. Her reward is in heaven, right? I say, too, with education, America needs to be putting a lot more focus on that and our schools have got to be really ramped up in terms of the funding that they are deserving. Teachers needed to be paid more. I come from a house full of school teachers. My grandma was, my dad who is in the audience today, he's a schoolteacher, had been for many years. My brother, who I think is the best schoolteacher in the year, and here's a shout-out to all those third graders at Gladys Wood Elementary School, you get extra credit for watching the debate.

Education credit in American has been in some sense in some of our states just accepted to be a little bit lax and we have got to increase the standards. No Child Left Behind was implemented. It's not doing the job though. We need flexibility in No Child Left Behind. We need to put more of an emphasis on the profession of teaching. We need to make sure that education in either one of our agendas, I think, absolute top of the line. My kids as public school participants right now, it's near and dear to my heart. I'm very, very concerned about where we're going with education and we have got to ramp it up and put more attention in that arena.

In my comment there, it was a lame attempt at a joke and yours was a lame attempt at a joke, too, I guess, because nobody got it. Of course we know what a vice president does.

No, no. Of course, we know what a vice president does. And that's not only to preside over the Senate and will take that position very seriously also. I'm thankful the Constitution would allow a bit more authority given to the vice president if that vice president so chose to exert it in working with the Senate and making sure that we are supportive of the president's policies and making sure too that our president understands what our strengths are. John McCain and I have had good conversations about where I would lead with his agenda. That is energy independence in America and reform of government over all, and then working with families of children with special needs. That's near and dear to my heart also. In those arenas, John McCain has already tapped me and said, that's where I want you, I want you to lead. I said, I can't wait to get and there go to work with you.

Well, our founding fathers were very wise there in allowing through the Constitution much flexibility there in the office of the vice president. And we will do what is best for the American people in tapping into that position and ushering in an agenda that is supportive and cooperative with the president's agenda in that position. Yeah, so I do agree with him that we have a lot of flexibility in there, and we'll do what we have to do to administer very appropriately the plans that are needed for this nation. And it is my executive experience that is partly to be attributed to my pick as V.P. with McCain, not only as a governor, but earlier on as a mayor, as an oil and gas regulator, as a business owner. It is those years of experience on an executive level that will be put to good use in the White House also. My experience as an executive will be put to good use as a mayor and business owner and oil and gas regulator and then as governor of a huge state, a huge energy producing state that is accounting for much progress towards getting our nation energy independence and that's extremely important.

But it wasn't just that experience tapped into, it was my connection to the heartland of America. Being a mom, one very concerned about a son in the war, about a special needs child, about kids heading off to college, how are we going to pay those tuition bills? About times and Todd and our marriage in our past where we didn't have health insurance and we know what other Americans are going through as they sit around the kitchen table and try to figure out how are they going to pay out-of-pocket for health care? We've been there also so that connection was important.

But even more important is that world view that I share with John McCain. That world view that says that America is a nation of exceptionalism. And we are to be that shining city on a hill, as President Reagan so beautifully said, that we are a beacon of hope and that we are unapologetic here. We are not perfect as a nation. But together, we represent a perfect ideal. And that is democracy and tolerance and freedom and equal rights. Those things that we stand for that can be put to good use as a force for good in this world.

John McCain and I share that. You combine all that with being a team with the only track record of making a really, a difference in where we've been and reforming, that's a good team, it's a good ticket.

My experience as an executive will be put to good use as a mayor and business owner and oil and gas regulator and then as governor of a huge state, a huge energy producing state that is accounting for much progress towards getting our nation energy independence and that's extremely important.

But it wasn't just that experience tapped into, it was my connection to the heartland of America. Being a mom, one very concerned about a son in the war, about a special needs child, about kids heading off to college, how are we going to pay those tuition bills? About times and Todd and our marriage in our past where we didn't have health insurance and we know what other Americans are going through as they sit around the kitchen table and try to figure out how are they going to pay out-of-pocket for health care? We've been there also so that connection was important.

But even more important is that world view that I share with John McCain. That world view that says that America is a nation of exceptionalism. And we are to be that shining city on a hill, as President Reagan so beautifully said, that we are a beacon of hope and that we are unapologetic here. We are not perfect as a nation. But together, we represent a perfect ideal. And that is democracy and tolerance and freedom and equal rights. Those things that we stand for that can be put to good use as a force for good in this world.

John McCain and I share that. You combine all that with being a team with the only track record of making a really, a difference in where we've been and reforming, that's a good team, it's a good ticket.

There have been times where, as mayor and governor, we have passed budgets that I did not veto and that I think could be considered as something that I quasi-caved in, if you will, but knowing that it was the right thing to do in order to progress the agenda for that year and to work with the legislative body, that body that actually holds the purse strings.

So there were times when I wanted to zero-base budget, and to cut taxes even more, and I didn't have enough support in order to accomplish that.

But on the major principle things, no, there hasn't been something that I've had to compromise on, because we've always seemed to find a way to work together. Up there in Alaska, what we have done is, with bipartisan efforts, is work together and, again, not caring who gets the credit for what, as we accomplish things up there.

And that's been just a part of the operation that I wanted to participate in. And that's what we're going to do in Washington, D.C., also, bring in both sides together. John McCain is known for doing that, also, in order to get the work done for the American people.

You do what I did as governor, and you appoint people regardless of party affiliation, Democrats, independents, Republicans. You -- you walk the walk; you don't just talk the talk.

And even in my own family, it's a very diverse family. And we have folks of all political persuasion in there, also, so I've grown up just knowing that, you know, at the end of the day, as long as we're all working together for the greater good, it's going to be OK.

But the policies and the proposals have got to speak for themselves, also. And, again, voters on November 4th are going to have that choice to either support a ticket that supports policies that create jobs.

You do that by lowering taxes on American workers and on our businesses. And you build up infrastructure, and you rein in government spending, and you make our -- our nation energy independent.

Or you support a ticket that supports policies that will kill jobs by increasing taxes. And that's what the track record shows, is a desire to increase taxes, increase spending, a trillion-dollar spending proposal that's on the table. That's going to hurt our country, and saying no to energy independence. Clear choices on November 4th.

IFILL: Governor Palin, you get the chance to make the first closing statement.

PALIN: Well, again, Gwen, I do want to thank you and the commission. This is such an honor for me.

And I appreciate, too, Senator Biden, getting to meet you, finally, also, and getting to debate with you. And I would like more opportunity for this.

I like being able to answer these tough questions without the filter, even, of the mainstream media kind of telling viewers what they've just heard. I'd rather be able to just speak to the American people like we just did.

And it's so important that the American people know of the choices that they have on November 4th.

I want to assure you that John McCain and I, we're going to fight for America. We're going to fight for the middle-class, average, everyday American family like mine.

I've been there. I know what the hurts are. I know what the challenges are. And, thank God, I know what the joys are, too, of living in America. We are so blessed. And I've always been proud to be an American. And so has John McCain.

We have to fight for our freedoms, also, economic and our national security freedoms.

It was Ronald Reagan who said that freedom is always just one generation away from extinction. We don't pass it to our children in the bloodstream; we have to fight for it and protect it, and then hand it to them so that they shall do the same, or we're going to find ourselves spending our sunset years telling our children and our children's children about a time in America, back in the day, when men and women were free.

We will fight for it, and there is only one man in this race who has really ever fought for you, and that's Senator John McCain.

Top Gun Redux: John Sidney McCain III for Prez

David Brooks, your "A Speech to the Delegates" was a mean-spirited, vindictive hack job.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/29/opinion/29brooks.html
Who ever told you you could do funny? Now here's funny.

McCain's Speech at the OMG, OMG Is Gustav the Second Coming Convention

ST. PAUL

My fellow geezers, it is an honor for me, John Sidney McCain III -- mah friends call me Maverick -- to address the Rich Old Geezers National Convention at this triumphant moment in our history. We stand by the flag at the eighteenth hole with right hand over heart clutching trust fund certificates while our left claws curl around glasses of 72 year old (whoops, Karl says mustn’t mention age) Glenfiddich® . (Hey, Punjab, I need a refill, dammit.)

Two paths lie ahead of us: we can go back to the first tee, give ourselves all the mulligans we want, foot mashies, winter rules, hand in our scorecards twenty strokes (shorry, Karl shays shouldn’t shay shtrokes – haha, you try shayin’ that after a coupla toots) below our hacker handicaps (Who’ll know? Hey, we own the USGA. ’Shides, beating my age by a shtroke or two – whoops -- would be cool – or is it hot nowadays?). Or we can go forward to the nineteenth hole, down a coupla three more malts, harrumph by the ticker tape machine ’bout gilt-edged bonds, towel whip each other in the showers, moon the young hotties by the pool and call it a day. Or we can do both – who says we can’t have it all, and I mean ALL. HAHAHA, WE DO HAVE IT ALL.

(APPLAUSE. DANCING IN THE AISLES – well, sorta, I mean lotta white folks tryin’ to shake their booties.)

The path behind us leads to our glorious past: ah, Standard Oil and the gold standard; Herbert Hoover and the Little Correction; damnweshouldanukedem Goldwater; not-a-crook Nixon and the Southern strategy (not our sort, really, but a clever bugger, all the same); Ronnie kicking it off in Philadelphia, Miss. (hahaha, the greatest thespian of them all; so they killed a N***** and a coupla J**s nearby, we all gotta die some time (hey, Punjab, what about that drinkie, hic, ’shcuze me).

And how ’bout them Bushies! What grand antecedents: Prescott and the Nazis (whoops); Skull and Bones and the Whiffenpoofs; Gentlemen’s C’s; Pappy gets his horse (that’s flyboy lingo for plane, picked it up from Tom Cruise) shot outa under him – hey, ah can match that – while Shrubby’s a no-show at his horse show in Alabama (have ’nother snort, bro). What a lovely coupla three wars they’ve given us to carry on! Abu Ghraib – what a frat house hazing party. Gitmo – whoever thought up those orange jumpsuits, contrasts great with those terrorists’ swarthy (can I shay shwarthy, Karl?) skins, give the man a medal. Hahaha. Amen! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord and pass the Glenfiddich.

The path ahead leads to our glorious future: to the victorious Tenth Crusade prophesied in the Good Book (Hey Karl, aren’t I good? Got in the sop for the religious whack jobs.) by John of Croesus 13:4-6: “And the children of an all-volunteer army shall lead us and though countless numbers of them be blown to Kingdom come, they will have kept the world safe for plutocracy and for the peace that passeth all understanding of Grand Old Farts in countless clubhouses and counting houses.”

Yes, my friends: a Hundred Years of War; at least Fifty More Years of OIL,OIL,OIL; Twenty More Years before the polar ice caps melt -- but whatthehey, we will all be dead by then anyways. I might be dead a tad sooner than some of y’all (How old am I, Karl? Sheventy three? Shorry, Karl shays mushn’t bring up my age) but I tell you, my friends, when I’m Commander-in-Chief, SOME WILL BE MORE DEAD THAN OTHERS.

More dead ragheads, turbineheads, mullahs, ayatollahs -- SCREW WITH OUR OIL, YOU DIE.

More dead wetbacks -- what’s with this wimpy wall business? Give my Arizona vigilantes automatics and ammo and watch ’em go to work – YIPPEEEIOO.

More dead humpbacks -- we can kill whales better than the Japs and the Norskis, for Chrissake.

You name ’em, as Commander-in-Chief, I’ll nail ’em. Well, not me personally any more (heck, I gotta have my protection touring fruit markets) but I’ll order our valiant and patriotic young men and women recruited from Wal-Mart parking lots to go out and videogame a few beatings and rapes and build up some body count and then get their heads shot off in the cause of oil, bananas, whales, tungsten or whatever the hell commodity of the week the markets want freed for democracy. Too bad a coupla few thousand more of them will have to die, but we’ll bury their casketed remains in Arlington (any pictures, dammit, and we’ll off some of ya liberal East Coast media types) and chant that beautiful (get some "Brownie" points here, wink wink) Latino prayer: Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori.

(Muted, somber-faced applause. Surreptitious swigs out of silver monogrammed hipflasks).

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My friends, we must keep open the book on the bleeding wounds of the old politics of bigotry (update Willie Horton, and oh, Harold Ford, call me – this Paris, Britney and Barack HUSSEIN Obama ad will kill ya) and sail our yachts down the sludgewaters of hate (Hussein in turban riding camel, anyone? Darken the skin tones a bit, dammit.).

For if this were to be an election about the real past or present (learn to use the subjunctive, Brooksie, the subjunctive) and what these portend for the future, we’d be toast – THANKS A LOT, GW GOOD BUDDY.

So we must make this an election based on Mock Turtle arithmetic: Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, Derision (TAKE A BOW, KARLISSIMO – YO DA MAN!) and belittle, demean, dehumanize the Other because that’s how all our accomplishments have been achieved. SWIFT BOATERS, REPORT FOR ACTION. ’TENSHUN. QUICK MARCH.

(AUDITORIUM SHAKES TO THE RAFTERS. Twenty thousand delegates are on their feet, marching in place, trying to keep time, drunkenly bellowing cadence “HUP TWO HEE HAW, HUSSEIN OBAMA GOTTA GAW”. Twenty or so old guys in Brown Shirts and jackboots gimp up to the podium and salute.)

(Dammit, Punjab, top me up. Glug. Hic. Burp.)

Yes, my friends, we meet today to keep from passing the torch to a new generation of Americans: a generation of wimps scared of a little global warming; too soft to tote heat to protect their property rights; screaming “Torture” at some gentle genital electrocution; squeamish ’bout some queen in Wyoming they strung up on barbed wire -- CAN WE HEAR IT FOR THE GREAT STATE OF DICK CHENEY ------- YEAAAAH.

(APPLAUSE, DANCING and SWIGS)

Yeah, these pansies actually think red, brown, yellow and black are a rainbow of colors, not PERILS – like RED PERIL, YELLOW PERIL, BROWN PERIL and now the deadly -- SHOUT IT WITH ME, GEEZERS -- BLACK PERIL .

Yeah, wusses who’d rather save damn rats-with-wings seagulls than drill for OIL, OIL, OIL.

(DELEGATES GO WILD, half of them screaming “PERIL, PERIL, PERIL” the other half shouting “OIL, OIL, OIL” followed by the call-and-response “TORTURE, TORTURE, TORTURE” “OIL, OIL, OIL”. Sorta Sydney Olympics redux.)

We meet today to maintain the divisions that have torn this country. For we are NOT all one country and one American family: we’re RICH and THEY ARE NOT (pace Chevy).

(AUDIENCE roars in unison)

HAHAHA. We can dance nekkid and pee on bushes (whoops, Freudian slip) and dress in drag at Bohemian Grove and THEY CAN NOT.

(AUDIENCE roars, but not in unison – some women and gay-bashers curiously silent – maybe still slightly sober).

And last but not least, my friends, WE ARE WHITE AND THEY ARE NOT.

(DELEGATES BERSERK. Sustained ROARED Applause, Booty-shaking, and Spontaneous Demonstrations. Clarence Thomas, John Yoo and Piyush Jindal are curiously silent.)

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PART II: CANDIDATE BIO (Cue the violins)

(Hey, Punjab, you pugreed punk, need ‘nother drink here? We’ll be getting into some real psycho crap soon: Oedipus, Shrub and whatnot. Hic. Burp. Belch.)

Ladies and gentleman, I never expected to be speaking before you today. Like so many of our speakers at this convention, I come from a rich, elite WASP family. My father and grandfather were Navy Admirals, actually commanded men, ships, entire fleets. Of course, I got into Annapolis – hehheh, what are legacies for – but almost didn’t make it out. 895^th out of a class of 899 ain’t ’zactly Admiral material. Plus, I was kinda short – DON’T DARE SAY RUNT OR BANTY ROOSTER. 5’ 7” ain’t that short. But it’s sorta average. (Deep swig of Scotch. Glug. Hic. Burp.) YOU CAN CALL ME FIGHTING COCK. (Can I use that word, Karl?) Yeah. I like that. FIGHTING COCK. (Downs Scotch. Hic. Burp.) Shtill am. Jesh ashk Candy (whoops) …I mean Carol…(mumble mumble)….shorry… I’ll get it…CINDY.

I was looking at a miserable little life, stoking boilers on some claptrap coal carrier, but, nudge nudge wink wink, a little pull here, a bit of a tug there and I became a Navy Flyboy. Not a very good one, mind you. The Admirals looked down their beaks at me. Sure, I never commanded any men, just a damn peashooter; but, hey, if a dumb AWOL goldbricker like Dubya can be Commander-in-Chief, so can I. And that’s a higher rank than Admiral. HAHAHAHAHA.

(Gimme ‘nother goddamn refill, Poonjee. Hic. Burp.).

Got shent to Nam. Bombed some paddy fields. Blew up some hooches. No biggie. But then – SHTUPID SHTUPID SHTUPID -- got my horsh shot out from under my ash (Hic. Burp.). Y’all know what happened next: shpent the next five years in the Hanoi Hilton and been dining out on it ever shince. HAHAHA, Wash the besh, make that shecond besh, thing that happened to me on my way to achieving the American Dream.

(Takes another swig. Hic. Burp.)

Back Stateside, I abandoned my crippled wife (she’d been a model, blonde, 5’ 10’’, but that was before she shrunk a tad) and the papoose I’d pouched her with, screwed anything in skirts that moved (especially those that saluted; fraternization, subordinates, adultery, Military Code be damned – I’m a maverick, my friends) and lived with a colony of randy pigs. We didn’t have much in the way of material possession, but we did have each other and the ability to carry our booze and swap our women. I was temporarily paralyzed in a lousy desk job but I never gave up my dream: my dream of servicing the seats of power – as Navy liaison to the Senate, boy, did I manage some liaisons (wink, wink), not to mention smuggling in their Scotch for the Senators boondoggling in Saudi. And that’s when the firsh besh thing happened to me: I bedded and wedded (well, not quite yet, I was still married, you see) a tall, willowy blonde 5’ 10” BUT THIS ONE WITH MONEY. LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY. OODLES AND BOODLES AND JUGS AND JARS AND POTS AND VAULTS FULL OF MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.

(Somewhat somnolent audience spring to life screaming “MONEY MONEY MONEY” “OIL OIL OIL”.)

Northern Exposure Redux: Miss Northwest Passage for Veep

David Brooks, your "A Speech to the Delegates" was a mean-spirited, vindictive hack job.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/29/opinion/29brooks.html
Who ever told you you could do funny? Now here's funny.

Sarah Palin's Speech at the OMG, OMG Is Gustav the Second Coming Convention

ST. PAUL

My fellow Americans, I never expected to be speaking before you today. Like so many of you, I come from a hard-working, middle-class family. I was leading a miserable little life, married to an Eskimo snowmobiler in A-effing-laska for Chrissake -- no, they don't have thirty goddamn words for snow, now shut up and listen -- but, nevertheless, overcame great odds to live the American Dream.

As a child, I was abandoned by my parents and lived with a colony of plastic surgeons. We didn't have much in the way of material possessions, but we did have each other and the ability to fix each others' body parts. When I was good and fixed, stretched out to 5' 11" and filled out in all the right places, they started entering me...whoops...into some of them boondocks beauty pageants. I was second runner-up in the Wagamama Wagon Wheel Roundup (hey, the whole thing was rigged, I tell you -- Donald Trump was bonking the winner, Ashley -- haha, who's laughin' last, Ash-ole?). But I never gave up my dream: the dream of speaking at a national convention so that my legs could be gawked at by Rush lardgut Limbaugh and a buncha sweaty, drooling ole lechers. What the hell, what are you geezers in the front row doin' clutchin' twenty dollar bills in your teeth?
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In Denver, the Democrats showed America that they have cute daughters. A coupla such darling nappy-headed tykes. Well, on stage with me here are my five, count 'em again FIVE, real American kids. All blonde. All Republican. And, aaaaand...can you keep a secret...come upstage, Bristol honey, don't be shy, yeah, let the delegates see you in profile...ANOTHER REAL REPUBLICAN IN THE HOPPER! (Dammit to hell, Bristol, I thought I told you to flush that purity ring down the crapper.)

I tell you, brothers and sisters, REAL American kids are our secret weapon. How else do you measure FAMILY VALUES? Our motto is: YOU GOTTA BREED TO SUCCEED. Shout it out: YOU GOTTA BREED TO SUCCEED.

And it's more than a motto, my friends. It's the bulwark of our Republican platform and policy prescriptions:

Immigration policy: Breed more REAL American kids and who needs wetbacks to do lawns?

Foreign Policy and Defense: Breed more REAL American kids and you got cannon fodder for wars for the NEXT HUNDRED YEARS as John McCain promised.

Energy Policy: Breed more REAL American kids and you got cannon fodder for wars the NEXT HUNDRED YEARS to fight for OIL, OIL, OIL as John McCain promised.

Medicare: Breed more REAL American kids and who cares if old geezers live or die (whoops, sorry John, this plank may need some tweaking...but then again, come to think of it...ummmm......).
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I could go on and on, but I ain't no policy wonkette. For that, you gotta hear Mitt Romney, whose 116 days spent in Massachusetts out of the 1460 days he was governor of that lousy liberal Eastern media elite blue state (hey, we can call 'em names -- ain't got a snowball's chance in that hell anyways) made him uniquely qualified for absolutely nothing (sorry, Mitzi darling).

But I'll tell you one thing, my friends: MITT AND ANN ROMNEY ARE CHAMPION BREEDERS. Why, Mitt's already had five strapping boys by Ann (count 'em again: FIVE -- and who knows how many more by who else in spiritual unions -- those Mormons, ain't they a hoot?). And, aaaand -- wait for it -- those five...those FIVE -- and the oldest of those darlin' boys not yet twenty, jes' three years older than my own sweetie Bristol -- have already sprouted -- ohmygod ohmygod (pace Richard Russo) -- ELEVEN, yeah ELEVEN shoots. So, how many is that -- my 'rithmetic ain't so swift -- yeah, SIXTEEN, SIXTEEN more REAL American Republicans marchin' up the Mass Pike.
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My friends, over this past weekend I have gotten to know John McCain and his present wife Cindy real well. Well, not Cindy really, but John I got to know real well. John...Sidney...McCain...III. Cindy... Lou... Hensley ...McCain. Now those are some REAL all-American names to conjure with, ain't they? REAL. WHITE. ANGLO. SAXON. PROTESTANT. AMERICAN names. Sure, John's a short lil shrimp, jes' 5' 7", but he'll be a real hands-on President, I'll tell you that fer free. He's such a cutie pie. Why, he says when we're in the White House, that closet off the Oval Room would be jes' perfect fer our private Bible Study lessons, praise the Lord, so he can come into Jesus' bosom. (Actually, he said, Jeeezus Keeerist...mumble mumble...bosom, but that's what I think he meant.) And he says to call him Maverick -- he jes' loooves that Top Gun movie -- how 5' 6" Tom gets that 5' 10" Kelly even after ditchin' his plane and all.

And that Cindy Lou, ain't she jes' drop dead gorgeous? Sure, she's a mite shorter than me, but she's got oodles and boodles of dough she inherited from her dead pappy and she's got a face job to die for. (Hey, I grew up with plastic surgeons, I told ya.) Jes' 'nother of John Sidney's willowy blondes, you say? A carbon copy clone of Carol before she shrunk a bit? Who else, huh, who else? Vicki Iseman? Who are you, buster, an embedded DemocRAT? A New York Times reporter? Out. OUT. OOOOOUT.

(Sgt. Wootten of the Alaska Dogsled Police tasers offender, dumps twitching body out back of the convention hall.)

We all know John Sidney could have become a desk Admiral even though he ditched his plane and all (well, maybe not, not after ditching his crippled wife and kid as well), but he chose to put his ego aside to become a Senate liaison, arranging liaisons for Senators (and a coupla two fer himself on the side, I bet -- that John Sidney, what a card !) and keepin' their supplies of Scotch safe for democracy as they were boondogglin' in Saudi. From there, it was a hop, skip and a jump onto Cindy (wash your dirty minds out with soap, you ), buyin' a few elections, savin' a few S&L's, helpin' out a coupla builders and Telcos, and now its onward and upward to becoming President of the United States and redeemer of the whole WASP race. America, what a country!
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As for me, there really ain't much to tell. No, really. Truly.

Well, awright, I got Mr. Todd Impalin' for a husband. He's out carousin' 'bout 'leven months of the year, yet I gets five kids. Go figure. (I thought he'd be shootin' blanks last time, but noooooooooo...I TOLD YOU TO GET IT SNIPPED, MISTER...you did? When? All right, all right, can we have this discussion some other time?)

Been huntin' 'n fishin' since I was a tadpole. (Crowd sings: Killed herself a polar bar when she was only three......Sarah......Sarah Palin). Was mayor of Wasisname, pop. 5,740. Whoopee ding. Moved up to Juneau, pop. 31,140. Double whoopee dingding. Been tryin' to hightail it outa that frozen wasteland fer years, and now here comes John Sidney and gives me my chance. Praise the Lord. God is Great (whoops, that's what those heathen Hajjis yell). Is America a great country or what?

But I get real mad when people say I got no foreign experience or nothin'. Look, I been to the lower forty-eight, haven't I? How much more foreign do you want? I went to school in Moscow, Idaho -- the Athens of the West -- should get two points for that. I shushed some Russkis trawling for tuna outa Anchorage harbor that one time -- Karl says we can build 'em up to be the lead dogs for the invading Imperial Russian Navy. And I went ballistic on them Canucks corralling caribou up Ketchikan way.
__________________________________

Now I know I weren't John Sidney's first, second or mebbe even his tenth choice. The K Street cabal were rooting for Chauncey Gardiner, but he was dead. John's first choice were Katherine Harris -- that squirt were the only one shorter than him he could find -- but no dice, Jebbo's got first dibs on her, I guess.

Kelly McGillis were next, how could he not give her a tryout, she's John's all-time favorite gal. The L-word didn't put him off, he says he's too broad-minded (wink wink) for that. In fact, he says it would add a certain je ne sais quoi or did he say menage a trois, whatever, John just loves his French. But the handlers nixed it: the homos wouldn't vote for the ticket anyways (other than Ralphie, Grover, Billie, Dinnie and the rest of those neocon sweeties) and the Hillary L-crowd polled off the charts for me. Now ain't that a hoot!

Then came Mariel Hemingway -- John Sidney just loooooved her -- but the NRA put the kibosh on that one 'cause of what happened to Papa.

Then that b**** Paris -- can you believe she turned John Sidney down 'cause she were dating Hussein Obama? Well, John nailed her good through that ad, didn't he? That's my John, he can be sooooooo mean. But mostly only when he's a tad likkered up, rest of the time he's such a sweetie.

Then there were ... who? Cynthia Geary? Who's that? Ohmygod ohmygod ... you don't mean Shelly Tambo ... Northern Exposure ... Miss Northwest Passage ... she was such a goddess ... the one who secretly married that hunky hockey player and then shacked up with that runty ole guy that owned the bar. (What's that you say? Life imitating art? I. DIDN'T. HEAR. THAT.)

Well, long story short, after he'd thoroughly personally wetted all the other candidates, yesterday John Sidney propositioned ... I mean, proposed to ... scratch that, nominated me.
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